Being in love

Falling in love sometimes feels like an accidental occurrence to many people, but in spiritual terms it is not – It is the entrance point to love’s journey. Romance has several distinct phases of its own for us to explore: attraction, infatuation, courtship and intimacy. Each partaking of a spiritual significant difference from the other.

In the dawning of the next stage, falling in love turns into a committed relationship, usually marriage or a lifelong partnership. Falling in love is over, being in love begins. Spiritually, the word BEING implies a state of the soul. As it is a state that a couple learns to nurture through surrender, the key word in every spiritual relationship. Through surrender, the needs of the ego, which can be extremely selfish and unloving, are transformed into a true need of the spirit, which is always the same. The need to grow. As you grow you exchange shallow false feelings for deep, true emotions, and thus compassion, trust, devotion and service become realities. Such a marriage and lifelong partnership are sacred; It can never falter because it is based on divine essence. It is innocent because your only motive is to love and serve the other person. Surrender is the door one must pass through to find passion. Without surrender, passion is centered on a person’s craving for pleasure and continuous selfish egotistical stimulation.

With surrender, passion is directed towards life itself. In a spiritual context, passion is the same as letting yourself be swept away on the river of life, which is eternal and never-ending in its flow. The final fruit of surrender is ecstasy; When you can let go of all selfish attachments. When you trust that love really is at the core of your nature you feel complete peace. In this peace there is a seed of sweetness perceived and felt in the very center of your heart, and from this seed, with patience and devotion, you nurture the supreme state of joy known as ecstasy. This then is the true meaning of LOVE. It isn’t the only path though. Some people never reach this mental and spiritual state of true love. They remain infatuated and enter into a bland acceptable relationships with a beloved.

But this does not mean there is no path for them. There is not a right or a wrong way to love. You can only love how only know how, and it’s ok. Only that the path has been externalized. For such people, the beloved is entirely within themselves from the very outset. It is their soul or their image of their God. It is their own vision. It is a solitariness that blossoms into love for the one. Then, in its own way, such a love story is about their relationship with themselves. The final realization should be the same for all of us; to realize that “I Am In Love” is not reserved only for those who marry. It is a universal realization cherished in every spiritual tradition. Or to put it simply, all relationships are ultimately a relationship with your idea of your own God. However you perceive Her to be.

In order to do this you have to dream. The more valid reasons you have to dream, the higher the odds in achieving them. If you have just one or two reasons, chances are, it’s easier to give up. Having more reasons makes it difficult for you to give up.  In order to assess the validity and achievement of your dreams, here are 10 questions I suggest you must ask yourself.

  1. The question of ownership. Is it really my dream? If you don’t own your dream, you won’t buy into it. Rented car analogy; Have you taken a rented car to the car wash for the full valet service or just a quick wash? How do you drive the rented car?  What are you willing to sacrifice? Achieving your dream requires hard work and commitment and stamina. You have to own your love dream – No Excuses
  2. The clarity question. Do I see my love dream clearly? Once you have clarity of your dream it becomes real. Once you stop, your dream fizzles out. It becomes a blur. Puzzle analogy: when putting a puzzle together, how often do you look at the box to see the final picture? How often do take a step back to see the bigger picture? How often do you see the end game and peruse it relentlessly? If your love dream is fuzzy, you will have a fuzzy love life.
  3. The passion question. Does my dream have a burning passionate desire? Passion is energy and initiative. It lifts you above the crowd. Passion will even get you going without a plan. Passion will move you into position and keep you motivated. How passionate are you about your love?
  4. The reality question. Am I depending upon factors within my control to achieve my love dream? Reality is the foundation of your dream. Disappointment is the gap between reality and expectation. It’s a cliché, but if you can dream it (within the realm of reality) you can achieve it.
  5. The pathway question. What path am I willing to take to achieve my true love? Very simply put, what am I willing, able and within the borders of my own integrity, am I willing to do to achieve the love I yearn?
  6. The person question. You need to always remain yourself. If anyone or any situation requires you to be a different person to achieve your love dream, then it is not for you. Always remain the true person you are. Never compromise your principles and integrity for anything or anyone else.
  7. The cost question. What price am I willing to pay for my love dream? The dream is free – The journey is not. Toll road analogy; You always pay, every time and all the time or you do not go further. Always remember your values, self-respect and integrity. Nothing is ever worth compromising these. Even love.
  8. The tenacity question. The secret to achieving your love success is “preparing and repairing” or “climbing and declining”. What is your final love agenda? Chopping tree analogy; trying to do it all in just one day VS striking it steadily once or twice a day over time.
  9. The fulfillment question. Will walking towards my love dream bring me ultimate satisfaction? If you are not happy where you are or about the cost and path, abort mission.
  10. The spirit and soul question. How will this love affect my spirituality and soulfulness? This is the deepest of all the questions as we are all indebted to our souls and spirit. Everything we do should only and always be done to satisfy them. Anything else that falls outside of this is not about true love.

There is still the enormous issue of how two people can surrender to each other completely. No matter how much love you begin to feel within, you must still reflect it to your beloved. Two spiritual people living together don’t automatically make a spiritual relationship. Therefore we want to ask in practical terms how love increases between two souls. The ego is not easily defeated in its preoccupation with everything else but love. Surrender is not achieved until you surrender completely to your beloved. To accomplish this you must relinquish everything that deprives you of love and nurture everything that comes from love.  One way that people deprive themselves of love is especially confusing because it seems to be a way to increase it; that is attachment. Its counter intuitive in a way. In its mildest and natural form attachment is the desire to be with someone special.  A baby attached to its mother won’t easily accept another woman as a substitute “mother”.  A twelve year old girl selects a best friend from the girls she knows. Even in these pre-adult years, the forms of attachment have two forms; it both includes and excludes. Adult relationships carry attachment to a deeper level, but the exclusivity remains. The wedding vow to forsake all others implies not just fidelity but a life to be shared by two alone. Isn’t it love when you share your life with someone else? Shouldn’t intimate relationships be exclusive in just this way? The answer is surprising, for if you look deeper you will see that love and attachment is not the same thing.

The seduction of attachment is that it bestows a sense of false security through insulation from the outside world. Once that is compromised in any way, the walls begin to crumble. Love never lived there. How do you not allow your beloved to be the spiritual soul they are? You can be immensely and deeply exclusively spiritually in love, and still be two separate people. Lifelong partners who respect and allow each other to live their own dreams while sharing your own different life journey together.

Being in love is beautiful and spiritual. It should give one a sense of comfort and serenity. To be your true self and surrender completely to another is the real meaning of love.

 I will love you as you are and the expectation is the same from myself.  I love many but am always committed to only one. My true love.

BY ABUBACAR JABBIE